Dear Tucson, today I said good-bye to a very dear friend. I miss her terribly, I know we can keep in touch via facebook and msn, but it's not the same. The sad thing is I know I will most likely not see her for several years. Someone once said, missing some one gets easier each day, because although, it's another day apart, it's one day closer to the next time you will see them. I used to think that was a great quote, but is it really true? If you have to calculate years instead of days, where do you come out ahead? I don't know. Good-byes are hard kiddo.
It's rainy today, it poured where I was at. I thought the weather had taken a turn, because when I got back to T.O. it was very sunny and bright, but now it's dreary.
You know I've been thinking a lot about the grace of God. It's amazing, unexplainable, uncomprehendable, I don't know where to start. The Bible says, "it's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." That is so true. The past couple of weeks I've been realizing how frail I am, and how there's nothing I can do, all I can do is trust in the grace of God. So far He's never let me down. I wish I could tell you what I'm tying to tell you, but I don't know how. It's like I've discovered my whole exsistence as a person is only by God's grace. It's the reason I'm alive, it's the reason I'm not in Crackdale selling myself on the streets, it's the reason my life's not jacked up, it's like for the first time in my life, I've come to terms with the fact I'm not in control no matter how hard I try, and all those years I thought I was, I was NOT, everything has happened because of the grace of God. Some people say call it fate, some people call it charma, some call it Providence, but I believe it's the grace of God. I don't know why, I can't explain it, I can't even comprehend it, I've learned though it's inexhaustible. Someone once described it in a axcronoym,
If it wasn't for Christ, it would never be possible. Who would be willing ya know? So I don't expect to be able to figure it out, part of me wants to, but the other part knows I just have to "fall into the hands of a living GOD!" I love you kid, and I hope you make sense out of this someday. If not, I tried, I honestly did. I love you, I really do.